Romantic jealousy

Dr. Hupka and many others believe that romantic jealousy is probably the most frequently experienced type of normal jealousy. In fact, according to PBS Nightly Business Reporter, the first fight romantic couples have usually involves jealousy, although couples usually move onto fighting about financial issues later on. Interestingly, a 2004 study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that, when asked about sexual versus emotional infidelity, respondents of both sexes reported more jealousy about their partner’s emotional infidelity.


Cinderella: A Tale of Narcissism and Self-Harm

How would Cinderella actually have turned out if she’d grown up surrounded by people who hated and abused her? This novella answers that question, portraying a character burdened with shame who ultimately marries a prince not so different from her own narcissistic mother. A vivid re-telling of the classic fairy tale, steeped in psychological realism, in which Cinderella does not live happily ever after.

If girls identify with characters like Cinderella



Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”. ~ T.S. Eliot

Personality Disorders and Relationships

Personality Disorders often stem from a need to be special, but in a distorted way. The Narcissist arrogantly asserts his specialness. The Borderline feels special in her unique belief in being unwanted. The Sociopath lives with the notion that no law applies to him. And, the Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder has a special responsibility to keep the world in order by his or her maneuvers.

While psychiatric disorders have genetic and environmental origins, let’s not dismiss the human desire to feel important. Patients with personality disorders may be disturbed, but they do feel unique – if not special – in the world. And, other people come second.

Most of Us Need Other People: While there are pure introverts, human beings are built to be in relationships. When we love and are loved, our lives are enriched. It’s like food for the soul.
The Narcissism of Medical Pain: If you have chronic pain, it’s good to be aware of your natural need to self soothe; sometimes at the expense of caring for others. Don’t feel guilty; you already have a lot on your plate. Rather, see if there are moments when you can come out of yourself and be there for people you care about.
The Narcissism of Psychiatric Pain: If you are depressed or suffer from chronic anxiety, be aware that you may not be nurturing relationships very well. As with medical pain, cut the guilt, you already have too much going on. Instead, see if there are moments when you can shake off your pain for a moment and be there for those that are important to you.
The Self Centerness of Personality Disorders: The hallmark of a Personality Disorder is the way they construct a dysfunctional universe around themselves. Whether the diagnosis is Narcissistic, Dependent, Obsessive Compulsive, Borderline or Sociopathic Personality Disorder, they all have intense self importance as a central focus. You know treatment is going well when patient begins to seriously consider the needs and hopes of others.

The good news is that medical and psychological pain often fades.

Remember that you’re not the only one hurting, and if you’re honest, empathize with those around you. Often, it’s possible to be generous and offer a hand or an ear when you’re relatively pain free.

All good relationships require mutuality.

And, if you or someone you love has a Personality Disorder, its not going to be easy. Yet, time may heal some of these souls. Narcissists often do poorly with aging and Borderlines can lose their intensity. This can open them for therapy – and perhaps love.


Psychiatric Pain and Relationships

If you have a psychiatric problem, you are in pain. It’s not the pain of a medical illness, but it’s still real. Depression is an awful pain. You feel hopeless and helpless and don’t find pleasure in things.

Anxiety is it’s own kind of pain. For instance, in Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), there’s ALWAYS something to be worried about. GAD is a never ending preoccupation.
While GAD or depression can produce a self centeredness that can push people away, consider the world of Personality Disorders. These folks, by definition, are preoccupied with themselves in unique and, often self destructive ways. They feel pathologically special. Even those who look socially competent, like The Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are really alone.

Their pain pushes them to use people rather than care about them. It’s a lonely way to be.

The origins of such pain is often trauma, or a constitutional sensitivity to rejection or anger – or both. Many people with Personality Disorders are easily triggered, and have evolved a set of defensives designed to keep themselves from pain.

It is exhausting; for them and those close to them.


Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.


Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).


Understanding Jealousy

As emotions go, jealousy is neither subtle nor kind. But it is definitely complex, encompassing feelings that range from fear of abandonment to rage to humiliation. Jealousy strikes both men and women when they perceive a third-party threat to a valued relationship, distinguishes it from envy, which involves a desire something someone else has. Conventional wisdom holds that jealousy is a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds—but it more often destroys them, and can give rise to relationship violence.


what is jealousy?

Taken literally, jealousy refers to a strong desire for someone else’s stature or possessions. However, in a social setting, it causes someone to be doubtful of their partner and feel threatened by their interaction with certain people, the clothes they wear or the places they go.

But, like we mentioned before, there are varying degrees of jealousy.

Cute jealousy
Jealousy does not necessarily merit its negative connotation; after all, it’s normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.

Healthy jealousy
Likewise, a man who voices his concern over having his girlfriend go out with a bunch of guys or seeing another man flirting with her is also part of a healthy relationship. Often, a man is just looking out for his girlfriend’s well-being and women usually respect that. They may even be insulted if you don’t say anything.

Obsessive jealousy
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you’ve reached this stage, you obsessively begin questioning her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even causing you to use physical force.

You inherit an extremely low tolerance level and, before long, she is unable to even look at another guy or leave your side when you’re both out. You demand to know where she is at all times and the mere mention of another guy’s name sends you off the deep end.


Recognize the paranoia that is a part of jealousy

Jealousy causes you to react to a fantasy scenario that’s all in your mind. In reality, the bad things that you’re imagining may never happen at all. And if they do, you’re strong enough to get through them. You have other people that you can count on in your life, and you’ll move on to become a better person. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may call an ex to express condolences something awful happens, like the person’s mother dies. Don’t go crazy about it. First of all, the person that you love isn’t necessarily hung up on an ex. Second of all, your boyfriend or girlfriend is being nice and considerate, and that’s 1 of the reasons that you love him or her so much.

Your child may form nurturing relationships with other adults. You may think that your child loves someone more than you, but that suspicion is probably untrue. It takes a village to raise a child, and your child deserves love from as many good people as possible.